on being restless

i have come to a realization ....
i will forever be restless until my last breath
because it is my constant search for something new, something different that keeps my life exciting ... it keeps me up on my toes, it keeps me updated with whatever i may care or not care about ... i need to feed my brain and my system with something new all the time to keep me going, to keep my mind going ... learning is a continuous process and it only stops when we stop breathing. i may at times feel tired of being a restless being, but if it's the key to keep me up, then so be it ... so help me God! :D

restless

will i forever be restless?
i cant seem to stop and be still
i always want something new ... something exciting to keep my adrenaline up
just when i thought that everything seems smooth and great ...
here i am again ... looking for that unexplainable something ....
meeeeen!!! ... these days, i ask myself, what would keep me still and ... ooooohhhh...
the word just slipped my mind 'CONTENTMENT' .. i think i will never be content with
whatever ... i will always be searching for more than just okay ... demn!
it can be tiring ... it can be annoying ... but ... but ... despite my being restless, i have to thank GOD, for all these years of my being restless and my always looking for that "unexplainable something", lifting up all these uncertainties to HIM and just letting HIM lead the way has always led me to the most BLESSED PATHS ...

on deaths

i know how it feels to lose a parent. it's hard...the hardest part is saying the last goodbye to them, and when the casket is closed and then they are brought down 6 ft. under ... coz physically you won't see them anymore ... that's when it'll start dawning on you that ... HE'S GONE!
once again, i was a witness to a dear (extended) family who lost their mom ... i can't stand it when people close to my heart grieves, it hurts me so much, i can feel their pain, i can't stand it, it seems like tears aren't enough.
i will always remember what fr. arlo said during the last time he said mass during a friend's wake, he said (sort of) "it's hard to lose a parent, it's hard to be alone. but you know what, at the end of the day, there is only you and God. yes we have friends and families to be with us, and we should cherish them, love them, but you should also learn to be alone and live with God. just as when we die, we go back to our creator." fr. arlo, i like it when he shares his wisdom, he makes it so easy to understand complex things ... you will never forget it, even as you leave the church. :)
and you know what, a HUG means a lot to a bereaved family ... it's a powerful source of emotional support ...
and if there's one thing i regret when my dad died that i wasn't able to do .. it's that i wasn't able to kiss him goodbye before he was brought down 6 ft ... i guess i was crying sooo much, i wasn't able to ask my sis or bros to do it for me ...

holy week 09

i didn't go out this holy week -- thu to sunday that is. i could have gone with a few friends to a trip up north, or i could have attended all church services -- which i have been doing all my life -- but this time, i decided to just stay at home and be with my nephews and my mom, plus my bro-in-law just lost his mom, so we had to go to the wake anyways and attend to their kids whom they left at home (while they're at the funeral parlor).

anyways, i didn't feel restless at all being at home all 4-days, in fact, it was a well-spent family time ... thursday we were at the hospital to visit my bro-in-law's mom who was comatose then, friday she expired and joined our creator. saturday, we went to the wake and sunday, it was my baptism of fire with the M.A. choir, who sings at the LSGH chapel every 4th sunday of the month, and special occasions, such as this easter sunday. it was a nice feeling to be singing with a full choir again, and (sort of) orchestra, and sing with people with really good voices -- naman eh mga taga UPCC at kun anu anu pang premyadong choirs eh! :) ... masipag sila magpractice kahit once a month, and kumpleto boses nila! haha ... i wish that SHS will get back on track again though ... iba pa din pag sa mas at home ka kumakanta eh. :) ... but will get used to singing with them, a few more sundays probably ... but thanks to my sis and kuya, who helped me become part of this new choir.

so staying at home during holy week wasn't bad after all, it was such a relaxing 4-day holiday ... it was truly a happy and blessed easter! ;)

aquino-castro nuptials

it was one happy day for YC ... as our MC friends would call her ... super cool and super no-tension at all ang drama ng aking girlfriend .. kaya we all had fun ... everybody was game kasi ... though there were more or less 200 guests, it seemed that everyone knew each other, the moment exuded a very light and happy ambiance ... very unforgettable ang wedding nyo kasi 1)i sang evergreen without any practice at pagtapos ng kanta isa lang nasabi ko kay ate doris "@#$%^!! ang taas pala nito!" at nang kinanta ko ang requested song ni YC, with my beautiful intro ... nakalimutan kong gawin ang coda which was the highlight of the song ... darn it! ... bawi ako sa anniv nyo! LOL

to J and YC ... i wish you all the best and may God bless you always! ;)

on "benjamin" and "australia"

for the longest time i have been wanting to watch these two movies, even before they were released here in manila ... with all the hoopla in the US and the fact that these 2 were nominated in the recent golden globes, who wouldn't be excited with them (especially if you're a film buff).

both movies are 3-hour long ... both are interesting movies, nothing new actually ... except for how it has presented the entire story, the plot itself and the heart of the movie.

i had to go through each scene, watch it, feel it and absorb it ... until i almost gave up, and felt so bored, that's when i felt the heart of the movie. that's when i realized that i had to watch all the scenes, understand and feel the pain, the happiness and be absorbed by the story, to feel the heart of it.

benjamin button lived his life opposite everybody -- while everyone was getting old, he was getting younger, until he lost his breath and the woman he loved took care of him. meanwhile, for 'australia' it was a 'happy ever after' kind of film, nothing different in the plot, really, but it made me cry, especially during the scene when after they were attacked by the japs, and the 'driver' thought he's lost sarah, they saw each other again with the help of nallah's song ...

these two movies talked about hope ... about finding your own path regardless of obstacles ... not a new theme for an american movie ... but i'd say successfully presented given different plots.

prom fair 2009!

barely two months prep and I'd say that it was one happy and successful event for everyone .. especially the students! they all went home happy (well the way i saw it, hehe) whether losers or winners, even they're parents were all smiles when i saw them ... well what's an event without a few glitches right? but still it went smoothly .. and most importantly we were able to highlight the designers and their shops and the merchandise available at Rugged Door .. I saw a few audience go up and bought a few items after the show ... well most of the time, you just have to let people know!

thanks to all the designers for the opportunity, thanks to all the sponsors, thanks to all the parents and students who have put their trust on us, the organizers and allowed their kids to be part of this HAPPY event ... and thanks to my big sisters! they were my PAs during the entire event (couldn't have done it without u sis!)

here are a few other fotos of the set-up at the mall, more photos to come ... soon! thanks Edge! :D

jan 23-2009

january 23, friday ...

10AM -- went to podium to meet with admin people, for the prom fair event happening on jan. 29-feb 1
--- met with food sponsor for the event, met with client as well

1130AM -- off to makati, to report to my official work, did some papers, blah blah blah

5PM -- off to megamall to meet with a friend who I am helping with the marketing plan of his film project/s

730PM -- off to podium to meet some candidates/students for the prom king and queen competition, for the prom fair event

8PM -- off to meet a friend at breton to re-connect and chit chat

9PM -- transferred to strata to meet with our friends

930 PM -- off to meet my church friends at FJs in timog for a night-out

12AM -- went home to enjoy a good night's rest

... it was such a long day for me last fri ... grabe! natatawa ako sa sarili ko ... i'd have to shift my gears fast, sa palipat-lipat na subject matter nung araw na un ... presence of mind, eto ang topic natin at this hour! LOL

and then i asked myself, bakit ba ko nagpapakahirap ng tatlo-tatlo projects hawak ko? at nagpapakahirap ako? ... eh gusto ko eh .. they're all so interesting to do, and hanggat i can manage it, i'll accept it ... wala pa naman akong nalalaglag so far, and everybody's happy pa naman, so everything is okay so far ... so help me God! hihihi

mahirap maging spy!

philandering husbands ... haay! ... and being an "imbestigador" to some of them could be really hard ... hard because it breaks my heart to see my friends get hurt ... mahirap pala pag kausap mo na mismo yun "other woman" tapos you're trying very hard to make up stories just to keep from the fact that you are actually "investigating" ... i was shaking and sort of "at a loss" after the conversation ... funny, i was successful that i was able to let her fall into my trap, so am just wishing that it'll all fall into place until the final goal has been reached. eh anu ba yung goal ko? una sa lahat, anu ba paki ko dba? ... eh a friend in need eh, asked for my help, so eto ako. ang goal ko lang naman eh kung anu man ang goal ni friend! haha! ... pero promise! mahirap, masakit pag yun "other woman" na ang kausap mo! ... naiinis ako, kasi ba't may mga babaeng ganun, pero di rin naman ako perpekto, tao lang ... pero sana isipin ng iba, babae din sila, at di puro sarap ang isipin .. na babae din ang masasaktan, na paano kun sakanila naman mangyari yun? ... haaayyyy ... life ... it's not at all that bad my friend ...

parati nalang ba ang rason .. 'boys will be boys?' ... eh on one hand (some) "girls will always be girls" ... darn it!!!!

the kids, hehe

it was a date ... with my boyz!!! hehe ... yup with my boyz ... all 6 of them, and one girl :) ... we're supposed to watch 'iskul bukol' but after learning that we had to pay for 180 bucks for it, we all agreed that it isn't worth the all the money, so we decided to eat at 'le ching'. afterwards the boyz went malling and looked for CDs, and then played billiards ... where we had a bottle of RED HORSE. i was shocked when josh ordered a bucket of red horse, i was thinking san mig light, but when i asked them, sabi nila matagal daw malasing sa san mig light -- tama nga naman. so we each had our bottle. before going home, we checked out the night market, nag food-trip sandali then went straight home.

well, my boyz aren't all mine after all, since hans and josh brought their GFs with them ... hehe ... they now have girlfriends ... haaaayyy ... i think i want to spend more time with my boyz and my only girl while i still can ... while we don't have 'partners' yet and then just enjoy each other's company as kids ... hehehe

my long lost cousin

being the youngest in our family, among all my cousins (especially the side of my mom), there's only one cousin i am really really chummy with (raquel or rocky).. she's just 3 years older than i am, and we're playmates (then :)) ... and we're you're usual "aso't pusa" type of close buds ... it's been almost 12 years since i last saw her or talked to her, then one december morning while checking my mail, i got an email from her. he got my kuya's cell number, contacted him, and visited them in chino ... and there we had the chance to catch up, saw each other through webcam and talked through the ip phone .. it was nice talking to her again and reminisce about the good old days ... and hopefully, hopefully, we get to see each other real soon, and spend more time with each other.

i opted to take a video of our "catching up thingy" ... so i won't forget it ... it's a bit blurry, but i want to remember the moment regardless of the "reception"... she's having an early dinner (take out from a japanese resto) with my kuya and my sis-in-law, and also with the eldest son of my brother (his name is isaiah, and they have an 8-month old baby too, his name is aaron), whom i love to see and hug and kiss real soon! god willing :) ... so to all you prayer warriors out there ... please please help me pray for it ... thanks!

my 2008 christmas

lemme see ... generally, it was all the same for me this christmas ... well except for a few things like 1)we've decided not to have our usual monito-monita this year, since at the end of the day we end up giving everyone a gift so what's the use? 2)i was not able to give gifts to my ates and kuyas due to lack of prep time and 3)i almost did not make it for noche buena, good thing we were able to arrive in manila by 11PM. we (the choir) had a singing engagement at canyon woods tagaytay, we sang at the christmas dinner of the residents ... we started singing at 730, left the place at 915, arrived in manila at 11PM ... goooooddddyy!!! ... there was one "unusual" thing which as my sis would put it "it's christmas, let it go" ... so rather than allow it to ruin the christmas spirit, i just let it go and enjoyed the rest of the celebration ... so at the end of the day ... it was still ONE HAPPY CHRISTMAS ... :)

i love it!

i'd say one of my fave movies last 2008 ... who wouldn't want their edward cullen right? it's his character that draws us (girls) to him ... it seems that men like him are hard to find these days ... but then again, in my heart i know there are still "a few good men" out there ...

buntis ka ba?

kanina sa mrt, since i came all the way from taft station i was able to get a good seat all throughout my ride to Shaw station and a lady with a protruding belly was standing in front of me. i kept on looking at her and her belly kasi i was trying to decipher kun buntis sya o hindi. kasi kun buntis sya, i'll offer my seat to her, eh super di ko talaga ma-decipher, kasi mukha talaga malaki lang tyan nya eh, grabe! kulang nalang nga itanong ko kanya "miss buntis po ba kayo?" kakahiya naman, so wala, all throughout my ride habang iniisip ko kun buntis sya, tinitingnan ko belly nya, pero hirap talaga i-conclude kun buntis nga sya e. pero nung pababa na ko i stood up and i offered to her my seat pa din ... pero pero (uli) iniisip ko pa din kun buntis nga sya!

p.s. ang galing ng bagong exit-entrance scheme sa taft station ngayon, di na sya nag-clo-clog katulad dati .. very good!

the downward trend

tonight on my way home, a realization struck me which made me smile ... and i was so excited to put it here kasi i want to see the trend talaga, baka makalimutan ko eh.

i consider CMC as my first serious job. a few months after i finished college i joined the company and i was with them for 3 1/2 years; and while with CMC a Ms V called me up and offered me a job at her advertising agency (PCMAG) where i stayed for about 8 months and i probably would have stayed with the company up until now had it not closed down due to bankruptcy. i rested for a while, hoping that PCMAG will be revived pero wala na talaga. and after about 8 months of rest TT offered me a job in a company where she was working for, JVS, where i stayed for about 8 months lang, kasi DB from MMPI asked me if i wanted to do events, eh am not happy na with JVS, so i resigned and joined MMPI and stayed with the company for 2 1/2 years. i got tired of MMPI so i left and i went freelance for about 8 months. my life was at peace then, until another friend of mine, MC invited me to apply at CPK, eh wala naman mawawala sa ken, so i applied, i got hired, i got tired then i resigned after 1 year.

not counting the companies where i stayed for a few months, it seems that there is sort of a downward slope in the trend of my length of service in a company -- 3-2-1 ... and my resting period would last 8 months tops ... and then, lo and behold ... it's been almost 8 months again, and i am once again part of PFW, for RP, an old friend (JE) invited me to join his company.

3-2-1, after 1, ano na? will i stay? will i last? will i ... ewan? ... and then direk A (older sibling of my friend who invited me) talked to me kanina and started making bilins and gave me pieces of advise, saying "mukhang magtatagal ka dito, basta i-enjoy mo lang, balita ko magaling ka daw (naks! eh gusto ko sabihin sa kanya, sus maryopes! eh di ko nga po alam kun pipirma uli ako for next season, at di din nga po ko tumatagal sa mga kumpanya eh!)

pero sabi ni JE pinagdasal nya daw ang pagkuha nya sa ken ... ako? pagdating sa work eto lang parati ko prayer these days "dear God i lift up with you all the uncertainties i am feeling now, i do not know which company i want to work for, or what kind of job i really want to do, in fact i do not know if i want to be employed (again). you know the deepest desires of my heart dear God, kayo na po bahala..."

we'll see, pero as of now, for the past few days i have been working my ass out, i am enjoying ... and i thank God for it ... for now .... :D

7 months ....

it's been 7 months ... i've been counting since the day i left my old job, because for the past years (and based on records, hehe) it would take me about 7 to 8 months and then i eventually get a job, as in i get to be an employee again. and now am contemplating really hard if i should accept an offer for a company which will bring me back to the world of fashion and events; and to "test the waters" and see if i really would like to be part of the company for quite some time, i have accepted to work with them for one season, or about two months, and from there we could both gauge if we belong together or not ... so help me GOD.

still am keeping myself busy with all the other stuff, and though august was truly a busy month for me, i am looking forward to october for another busy month.

Philippine Fashion Week ... here i come! hehe

i grew up with them ....

we are the sacred heart singers (who got together through AKBAY -- '83 pa ata yun -- a choir group in sacred heart church, composed of people from all ages) ... and the video you are about to see was taken during our last christmas party ... i grew up with them -- most of them i call "ate" and "kuya", since i've known them since I was like 8 years old ... we were there for each other through thick and thin (literally! yun iba sa kanila payat pa nun eh ... hehe) ... through ups and downs, laughs and cries ... most of our members have left already, but what's good about our group is that, kahit mawala ka na nang matagal na panahon, alam mo in your heart, na may babalikan ka ...



Sacred Heart Singers Christmas Party 2007 - video powered by Metacafe

si don cuervo, bow!

july 27, 12AM, I arrived at my friend's house for a stag/shower party (yup! combined) ... no there were no strippers or dancers, but just friends enjoying the last "singles" party of a couple who's about to get married on 08-08-08. immediately when i entered the door don cuervo greeted me ... it has been quite awhile since I last saw him ... and I missed him! hehe ... I drank the shot minus the lemon and the salt, yum! haha

a few minutes after, another friend of mine our "tagayero" offered me a mixed cocktail with gin, which I welcomingly drank ... and needless to say ... there were more "tagays" offered to me ... and sadly though we (me and another friend of mine) were already hiding from him, he has a way of finding us, so we had to drink the last few "tagays".

i went home drunk (or i'd say, just reasonably tipsy) and numb (from too much alcohol)... and tired from all the "kulitan", "tawanan", and "picturan" ... and we haven't been drunk for quite some time, and odd as it may seem, i kinda miss the feeling of being "reasonably tipsy" when you just laugh your heart out and be as "mababaw" as you can be ... though the only setback is when you lie down your head is spinning and the next day, you get a terrible headache, which i remedied with paracetamol and (more) sleep ... :)

they were crying....

my nephew is in the hospital for dengue .. he's been there for almost a week, but he's getting better, thank God :)

last sunday, while waiting for my brother-in-law at the lobby on our way home, my attention was caught by a woman wailing, "bakit anak ko pa?" obviously, something bad happened to her baby, the ever curious side of me wanted to know the real story behind it, but I can't stand looking at her that long, parang kahit na alam ko na she's in a public place, I would like to give her her privacy and let her grieve her grief ... and my heart felt sorry for her and it felt so heavy, for everytime I see somebody grieve for their loss (especially death of a loved one), I can feel for them , because I too have lost someone close to my heart ... though it has been more than 10 years since my dad died, there are still times when i long for his presence, coz my dad has a way of making life sooo easy -- for everybody.

my dad was my encyclopedia, my dictionary, my driver, my errand boy, name it! and not just for me, even for my older brothers and sisters .. kahit may mga asawa na sila, my dad was still their knight and shining armor, hehe ... and especially with my mom, kaya it was hard for my mom at first, kasi she's sort of dependent on him ... though syempre eventually she became okay, kasi we really did everything we can to 'amuse(?)' her, as in every week we would go out, basta my mom should never be left alone at home. we made her feel na she can depend on us .... my dad wasn't perfect, syempre, but his (selfless) efforts (more than) made up for his imperfections.

well, sabi nga ni mommy, we lost him pero we all learned a lot from the experience, it made everybody stronger and we all learned to stand on our own two feet. plus, it has made our family more in-tact, and we know in our hearts that we can count on each other anytime.

and then today, on our way home (again from the hospital), I saw another woman in tears ... and then i started wondering (again), what happened to her? was it her son? daughter? bakit kaya sya umiiyak? ...

oh well, life, sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down, pero at the end of the day, SYA lang ang may kasagutan ...

ang cool mag lrt!!!!

today, i took the the LRT going to recto. and though was scared, i was actually awed by how clean and how neat the station was at Betty Go station, and not just the station but the train as well. I wonder how long they could keep it up though.

oh well, thanks to Ate J, I saved a lot of time, money and effort going to recto. the trip which lasted for about 20 minutes max (and if i take the long route, would have taken me an hour and a half), was actually relaxing, and i was smiling all throughout the ride, kasi sobrang aliw ... the train was sooo spacious, unlike the mrt ... well, the train was not that full when i rode it. and one reason i was smiling all along was because i felt so "tanga" when i first went in, as in naghihintay nalang akong may lumapit at magtanong ... 'first time mo?' ... as in syempre, was looking around, carefully reading all the signs, making sure that am on the right track, hirap na mag-roundtrip no! ... and so, i looked for the ticket machine ... eto talaga, i was smiling while going through it, kasi the first and only time i used a ticket machine for a train was in KL pa, and yun i was in a group, so super different ang situation ... buti nalang there was just a couple of us in front of the machine, so di masyado halata, na i was figuring it all by myself, which well acutally took me a minute lang naman, pero still!!! ... pero easy lang sya, para lang bumibuli ako ng coffee sa vending machine din ... good thing i immediately found the office i was looking for, and in less than 2 hours time, i was back na in QC! haaayyy... the wonders of the train!!!!